For some kids the pressure to win a game is just too big. When a competitive child loses a game they might throw a tantrum or they might gloat when they win. It must leave some parents wondering if their child should play sports at all!
Playing sports helps kids stay active, learn new skills and make friends. It teaches them about teamwork, responsibility and competition. Kids should be able to enjoy all aspects of sports – not just the final result.
Focus on how your child improves with each game. They will learn that you can have a good game despite the score.
Some kids will refuse to play if they don’t think they’re very good. It takes time and effort to improve skills and build confidence. So encourage them to keep playing.
Children also need to learn that it’s not about being the best at everything they do. In fact, this isn’t even possible. If your child complains that they aren’t the fastest runner in the team you can reply with a positive: “You might not be the fastest but you are really great at kicking the football.”
When you do see bad sportsmanship let your child know it’s okay to be upset but it’s not okay to act the way they did. Then let them know what to do next time: “It’s not okay to shout at your teammates. Take three deep breaths next time you feel angry.”
Quitting because he’s behind, yelling because he didn’t win or getting angry at you for winning are all signs your child is a sore loser.
Being a sore loser isn’t likely to do your child any favors. After all, no one wants to play with the kid who cheats because he’s losing or the one who always quits in a half way through a game.
It’s common for kids to struggle to maintain a positive attitude while losing at their favorite game. But if your child tends to be a sore loser all the time, or his poor sportsmanship is causing problems for him, it’s important to intervene.
Keep in mind that it’s normal for preschoolers to make up their own rules as they play. There’s no need to worry about winning or losing at this age. But by grade school, your child should be learning skills to help him become a good sport.
There are several things you can do to help your child be a more graceful loser while also showing him how to cheer others on, even if doesn’t win.
Praise Your Child’s Efforts
If you praise your child for scoring the most goals in the soccer game or for getting the highest grade on his math test, your words will fuel his competitive nature. He may learn that winning or being the best is more important than kindness.
Praise him for his hard work and his effort regardless of the final outcome. Instead of saying, “You’re the fastest runner on the team,” say, “I like the way you cheered for the other kids today.” Point out good sportsmanship and emphasize the importance of treating others respectfully.
Model Good Sportsmanship
If you’re yelling at the referees from the stands at your child’s soccer game or you engage in a major victory dance every time you beat out your competition, your child will pick up on your habits.
Role model good sportsmanship by cheering on the players for doing well and by congratulating the winner, even if it wasn’t who you were rooting for. Show your child how to treat other people kindly, no matter the score.
Acknowledge that the officials may make calls that not everyone will like. But, talk about how that is part of the game.
Help Your Child Understand Feelings
When kids can identify their feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment, and frustration, they’re less likely to act them out. teach your child about feelings and help him develop healthy coping strategies to deal with those feelings.
Validate his feelings too. Talk about how it feels sad, embarrassing, and disappointing to lose. But make it clear he has options in how he deals with his uncomfortable emotion .lots of leaders loses because they do not have emotional intelligence .
Teach Anger Management Skills
Sore losers often throw board game pieces or say mean things to other people in a fit of rage. Help your child recognize that these types of behaviors aren’t acceptable.
Teach him that feeling angry is okay but hurting people or property isn’t okay. Invest time and energy into teaching your child some anger managements skills that will help him tolerate losing.
Don’t Let Your Child Win all the time
It can be tempting sometimes to throw the game on purpose so you won’t be subjected to a sore loser’s negative reaction. Although preventing a meltdown can help you in the short-term, over the long haul you won’t be doing your child any favors.
While you don’t need to be brutally competitive, avoid losing on purpose to spare your child’s feelings. Letting her win will only reinforce to her that she can’t handle losing. Each loss is an opportunity for her to practice not being a sore loser.
Ignore Temper Tantrums
If your child begins to cry, stomp his feet, or throw himself to the ground, ignore it. By ignoring it will sometimes make them worse at first, but eventually, your child will grow bored when he sees he doesn’t have an audience.
Avoid consoling him or talking to him when he’s misbehaving. As soon as he is calm, give him POSITIVE ATTENTION again.
Practice Winning Gracefully
Sore losers usually aren’t graceful winners. When they beat their opponent, they tend to find great joy in rubbing it in and bragging about their victory.
Teach your child how to show kindness to others by shaking hands and saying, “Good game” to an opponent or by saying, “Thank you for playing with me.” Help your child focus on the fun he had playing the game, not who won or lost.
Continue Working on Social Skills
You may need to play board games or sports more often with your child simply to give him an opportunity to practice his social skills. Praise him when he is kind and respectful and emphasize that you value how he treats others more than how he plays the game.
After each game or event, talk about his sportsmanship. Point out what he did well and discuss any concerns. With consistent practice, your child can learn how to be a good sport.