Rejection, Relationships and Resilience
Rejection hurts and no one wants it to happen to them. Yet, I have never met anyone who has not suffered from some form of rejection in their lives. So it is something that is a part of life and we need to find a healthy way to accept it and move on.
Rejection triggers our inner fears and doubts about ourselves. The trick to facing rejection and not letting it ruin us is down to our attitude to rejection. If we see it as a form of failure it is more likely to affect us negatively than if we see it as a lesson to learn and an opportunity to grow and move forward.
When we value ourselves and like ourselves we possess buffers that carry us through life and make us more resilient to sadness, rejection and failure. We are more able to put these negative experiences into context. When someone rejects us, it helps to remind ourselves that the person doing the rejecting isn’t better than us or superior in any way. Often, we automatically, and mistakenly, assume that if we are rejected by someone that they are somehow superior to us. We feel inferior and begin thinking about how great they are and how useless we are.
It pays to remember that everyone has good and bad characteristics. Someone rejecting you isn’t doing it because they are better than you. They will also have their doubts and fears about themselves. Rather, they are rejecting you for their own personal reasons – these reasons are not facts. They are not written in the ‘book of life’ that states you are not a worthy person.
It is just someone else’s opinion. One person on this entire planet. Of course, if you keep on getting rejected, it may be that your own self esteem isn’t very high and that your thinking is leading you into a self fulfilling prophecy .
Tips for Dealing with Rejection:
1) Remind yourself that it is their opinion, Not fact, that has led to rejection. Don’t take it personally.
2) Rejection is a blessing in disguise. Be philosophical about it – now you are free to find someone who adores you and admires your loveliness and brings out the best in you
3) Consider all the reasons they were wrong for you. This helps to move on emotionally. Write a list if it helps.
4) See it as their loss. They obviously did not see how wonderful you really are!
5) Learn from it. Sometimes we receive constructive advice and this can be used to improve upon ourselves. It doesn’t mean we are defective but it is good practise to live and learn.
Rejection does not mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means, together, you weren’t right for each other. It’s okay to feel sad that things haven’t worked out but it’s not okay to blame yourself and look for the faults in yourself. Give yourself some time, believe that things happen for a reason and know that in a while you will be back to enjoying life. Don’t see rejection as confirmation that you aren’t good enough. Instead see it as a natural part of life and learn to love and nurture you.
The quality of your relationships with other people influences how emotionally resilient you can be in the face of an emotional or physical crisis. … The ability to create and maintain enduring friendships and love appears to be important for maintaining physical and emotional health in addition to resiliency.
What Is Resilience?
Adversity is a fact of life. Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back at least as strong as before. Rather than letting difficulties or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise.
Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make a person resilient, such as a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Research shows that optimism helps blunt the impact of stress, on the mind and body in the wake of disturbing experiences. And that gives people access to their own cognitive resources, enabling cool-headed analysis of what might have gone wrong and consideration of behavioral paths that might be more productive.
Resilience is not some magical quality; it takes real mental work to transcend hardship. But even after misfortune, resilient people are able to change course and move toward achieving their goal . There’s growing evidence that the elements of resilience can be cultivated.
How to Bounce Back from Challenges
Resilience is about getting through pain and disappointment without letting them crush your spirit. While it isn’t always easy, research continues to uncover what resilient people do as they persist after the death of a loved one, a job loss, chronic or acute illness, or other setbacks.
For instance, do you attribute personal and professional setbacks solely to your own inadequacy—or are you able to identify contributing factors that are specific and temporary? Do you demand a perfect streak—or are you able to accept that life is a mix of losses and wins? In each case, the latter quality has been tied to greater levels of resilience.
Stories of ordinary people thrust into extraordinarily challenging circumstances prove that disasters can be overcome—and can even make one stronger.
Why and How Failure Can Help Us
To fail is deeply human as is the capacity to inspect, learn from, and transcend failure. Ultimately, failures are the stumbling blocks on the proverbial path to success: The lessons they teach have implications for humility, maturity, and empathy.
That doesn’t mean, however, that one needs to pretend that it’s pleasant to fail or ignore the frustration that arises when a goal falls out of reach. Instead, accepting the feelings that come with failure, being curious about them, and resisting the urge to judge oneself too harshly are all critical skills to practice.
In addition to cultivating better emotional regulation, such skills may also provide lessons that will stop the failure from repeating itself in the future.
Author: Steve Ramsey