Attachment Disorder is defined as the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships. they never stay with one partner for too long, boyfriend r girlfriend, wife or a husband, they drift away too fast, they say we are in a nutshell and have many excuses to justify their actions, or They say they left because there is no more romance etc.

often show nearly a complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others. They typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust. But it also can be related to the country of origin where some countries practice discrimination, prejudice and isolation tactics toward their indigenous people like what the USA and Canada did to the native and first nations, and what the UK, Spain, France, Holland, Portuguese, Australia, Russia, Iran, Iraq, Syria, India, South Africa, China, and many other countries who repressed ,raped, killed, prosecuted and poisoned their own people .

Case in point the Kurds in Iraq, the domination of Iran to Iraq, Lebanon, Syria, Yemen, Bahrain and the destruction they lead to kill, prison and isolate other majorities and minorities from their rights to control the country oil and power. Families who are living under those regimes they will have children with so many disorder problems.

Some other countries full of corruption and thefts will lead their people to seek refuge in other countries and that is seen in the Philippines and Mexico. Some of them still love their countries but for many others, they feel detached from that sick culture they once belong to, they hate those governments who repressed them and their families, they grow hateful toward them and lose their trust with them.

A country like the evil Iraq who destroyed my life, destroyed my dreams, out the family house, my family my future, killed my brother and all because we are different and we have our voice and rights t reject the Bulshit and brainwash they feed us in the name their sick culture and barbarian cult called religion. since I was 6 years old until I ran away from those evil menses in this planet at age 24.

When I had the chance to leave that evil country I spit on it before I entered the plane to go to Europe and from their to Canada. I had so many bad memories and bad dreams and never trusted anyone from that country or the country closer to them until this day. I don’t friend them, talk t them, deal with them, buy or sell from them or to them at all.

My parents were mixed and their distant relatives all mixed too so 3 months ago I decided to get my DNA checked with the ancestry DNA and t%o my surprise I fund that we are 64 % Caucasian and only 26% middle eastern, and 10 % south and east Europian.I managed to trace my background way to northeast Russia, Bulgaria, turkey from my dad side and from Albania, Macedonia, Azerbaijan, Armenia and turkey to Kurdistan from my mother side.

When the Othman empire collapsed because those barbarians Arabs destroyed the Turkish empire to make different Arabic countries divided into rich and poor smaller countries, those who have and those who have not so the Western power can control them easily and drive them like donkeys and keep rich fat cats in charge of the oil region.

I was so happy that I don’t belong to this sick culture 100 %. I know it is not what your past relatives did or who you were but who you are now and what you contribute to the society at large, your value is in how much you help others at this moment but I couldn’t help to reflect on my past generation and see why they immigrated and moved from country to another, running from the wars, starvation, the killing and the destruction that took place at that time until now days.

The past is gone and we must learn from it and the future is near and we must be prepared for it and the present is here with us and we should enjoy it. But some countries and governments don’t want you to be happy and relaxed, don’t want you to have a peace of mind and a good future by destroying your present dreams and by showing you that you are nobody because you don’t belong to their superior race myth and a sick culture, they forget that God said ; There is no difference between an Arab and non Arab only by how much he or she obeys and love the Lord.

You live only by dying, finds its identity (and its happiness) only by faith, a grace of God, self-forgetfulness, self-giving, self-sacrifice, kindness, and agape love.” “He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life. LIFE = EFIL = Evolved, Fulfilment of your duties in this earth toward yourself, your family, friends and fellow human being, Inner peace, Love God with all your heart.

The ultimate secret about life that no one wants you to know and that you don’t want to admit is that it’s all for nothing–everything that you do in life will return to the source from which it came. 

Our earliest relationships served as models for how we expect the world to work and how we anticipate others will behave. Without realizing it, we’re drawn to recreate these old patterns and dynamics from our past in the present. If we experienced an insecure (avoidant, ambivalent, or disorganized) attachment pattern, we are more likely to re-experience insecurity in our closest relationships, especially with romantic partners and with our own children.

People can avoid other people or countries based on certain experiences they had, they attract to others as they have been told that this is what they should have. Some follow the security blanket and go with someone they don’t love but he or she may provide security and sense of belonging they will follow them.

Many of us who experienced an insecure attachment pattern early in life will go on to unwittingly recreate strained, hurtful, or painful experiences in later relationships. Because our attachment models left us feeling insecure and insensitive to ourselves, we may not have made the best choices in terms of whom we’ve selected as partners. We often choose people with whom we can re-enact relationship dynamics from our past, or we distort or provoke them to recreate the familiar emotional climate in which we grew up. There are no mistakes only choices we make and price to pay.

Attachment research tells us that to break free of a cycle of strained attachments, we must make sense of and feel the full pain of our past. As Dr. Daniel Siegel explained in his book Mindsight, “The best predictor of a child’s security of attachment is not what happened to his parents as children, but rather how his parents made sense of those childhood experiences.”

Same is true about your partner it is not what is happening to your partner but what had happened. That is why, in order to repair our attachment ability and develop more inner security as adults, we must be willing to create what Siegel calls a “coherent narrative” of our experience.

“It turns out that by simply asking certain kinds of autobiographical questions, we can discover how people have made sense of their past, how their minds have shaped their memories of the past to explain who they are in the present,” wrote Dr. Siegel in Mindsight.

“The answers people give to these fundamental questions also reveal how this internal narrative, the story they tell themselves may be limiting them in the present and may also be causing them to pass down to their children the same painful legacy that married their own early days.” In other words, if we can face our history and make sense of our narrative, we can actually change the course of our lives, our relationships, and the attachment patterns we pass on to our kids

So break the cycle by starting accepting yourself and slowly forgetting the past, Start with forgiveness, I know it is hard as until now I am trying so hard to do and I can’t overcome the pain.But gradually I make a change to a better me.

You must Choose a Partner with a Healthier Attachment Style, not just if he or she drinks or smoke, poor or rich, if he or she has n anger issues or not but by searching for the positive healthy quality in that person to not drag you with them deep into their sick past and emotional sadness and make you feel sorry for them always .

You must get involved with someone who has a healthier attachment style than our own and remains in the relationship long-term. Do the same when you select your friend, your government and parties, your leaders and soon enough the hall society will change to a healthier place. By starting the change in our self, our families, our friends, and our culture, then change will become the norm. Sure they will be so many who will oppose the change and scared from change as that will provide no short-term security for them.

Be a dreamer, be a changer and slowly you will reach the top, you will get many bumps on the road, no matter what happens in your way you must keep going, You must always be prepared by wearing what I call the helmet of salvation and the sword of faith, and that is the words of God, the guidance of the creator, and the mind set to defeat the enemy who will try to destroy you, make fun f you, pull you down and make you think that you can not do it.

You can change your job, your country, your partner, your self and everything else but you can not change the fact that God created you for one reason only and that is to be close to him, worship him, praise him so he can shower you with his mercy, grace, and salvation.

When we develop a secure attachment to someone who has a healthy attachment pattern, we can develop more inner security, because we are actively experiencing a new model for how relationships can work. That’s why the best attachment is to God it is the purest form of attachment and the healthiest to our spirit to face the enemy within us.

Read the holy book to start developing a secure attachment to God and yourself, with your partner and the world around you. You can call it the faith therapy o spiritual therapy, and of course, you can use a psychological therapist to help you too. A good therapy relationship allows a person to form a secure attachment with the therapist. Having a corrective emotional experience with someone who can consistently provide a secure base and allows us to feel and make sense of our story is a gift that can benefit us in every area of our lives.

Every one of us has experienced pain in our early lives, death and rejections, defeated and sorrow, even those of us who feel we grew up with secure attachment patterns. many people grow up seen sad stories, and stories of the underdog’s heroes and watching sad soap opera and drama movies. Every one of us has experienced ruptures in our relationships and traumas, big or small.

As a result, every one of us would benefit from the process of creating a coherent narrative and forming more secure attachments, whether in an interpersonal or therapeutic relationship. Whatever our history may be, developing inner security is a process that gives us more freedom to become our true selves and experience our lives and relationships to the fullest by starting with your self , change your self , accept the fact that you are a small piece of the universal puzzle who shape our life and this universe . Everything is intelligently designed for us in this universe if we accept the change and seek the truth.

Steve Ramsey, Ph.D. Okotoks, Alberta – Canada.