Envy and jealousy – hasad and ghera

((Jealousy is the result of hatred and hatred is the result of anger)).

If you ask a group of people to describe Envy and Jealousy, very few people answer correctly !

It turns out that psychologists agree on a fairly straightforward distinction.

Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another.

Tao says ” know others & you are clever, know yourself & you are on the path to wisdom”. What is good and what is bad?

Fools cannot see at all
With a garment tied to its tail
Can the rat enter its hole?
~ Sant Kabir (1398-1448)

Sant Kabirr says that foolish people cannot discriminate between good and evil. Such men cannot be happy because the load of evil gets too heavy for them. Jealousy is one of those unnecessary evils we burden ourselves with. None of us could honestly say that we have not ever been jealous of more fortunate ones.

THE JEALOUSY OF RACHELM

The Torah tells us that “Rachel became envious of her sister.” Says Rashi: “She envied her good deeds. She said, ‘Were she not more righteous than I, she would not have merited sons.'” God forbids us to be jealous. The definition of jealousy is wanting something that belongs to someone else. This is forbidden because everything a person has in this world comes from God. God gives each person exactly what he needs to maximize his potential.

Every day we say, “You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living creature” (Psalms 145:16), confirming that, in fact, God does give each being what he needs. If someone is dissatisfied with his lot and wants that which belongs to his neighbor, he is in effect saying, “God did not distribute things properly. God makes errors. God’s benevolence is off-kilter. I know better who should get what.”

This is not to say that we can’t desire something similar to that which our neighbor has. This type of urge makes society progress, because it causes people to strive to be better and to have better lives. Therefore, if a person lives in a house with a leaky roof and drafty windows, and he sees that his neighbor has a warm, cozy house with a solid roof and secure windows, he might be motivated to repair his house because he desires comfort similar to that which his neighbor enjoys. But it would be forbidden for him to sit in his cold house feeling angry that his neighbor has a better house, thinking, “Why does so-and-so deserve such a great house while I’ve been given this dump? It’s not fair! I should have that nice house, not he.”

In short, we are forbidden to be jealous, but we may allow ourselves to be motivated by what others have. However, the Torah does not say that Rachel was motivated by Leah; we read that Rachel was envious of her sister.

There is one exception to the jealousy rule: We are allowed to be jealous of the Torah and mitzvot of others. “The jealousy of those who learn Torah increases wisdom in the world” (Talmud – Baba Batra 21a). Whereas it is forbidden to be jealous of the material possessions of another, we are allowed to be jealous of another person’s spiritual acquisitions, his learning and mitzvot. When a person feels jealousy, this emotion causes him to experience a more intense desire for the object of his jealousy. If that object is Torah and mitzvot, the desire has merit because it will ultimately bring more Torah and learning into the world.

We have total control over spiritual acquisitions; if our desire is to do more mitzvot and acquire more learning, we have the free will to achieve it. Moreover, we have control over our reactions, our beliefs, our speech, and our intention to act. Our Sages express this difference in the saying, “Everything is in the hands of Heaven, except the fear of Heaven” (Talmud – Brachot 33b). What we have in terms of material or physical blessing is dependent upon God; how we react — our emotional response — is within our control.

It makes sense that we are allowed to feel jealous of another’s Torah, mitzvot, and spirituality. These things are totally within our domain, and if this type of jealousy motivates a person to learn more Torah, to be more spiritual, to strengthen his relationship with God, this is productive jealousy.

Rashi states that Rachel envied her sister’s good deeds. This is permissible jealousy. In her pain, Rachel looked to her sister Leah. Pain creates a vacuum, a vacuum that must be filled. Rachel may not have known why God sent her this pain, but she knew it was part of her destiny. She knew it had a purpose and had to be used to attain spiritual growth. So Rachel looked to Leah’s spiritual accomplishments, so that she could imitate her to fill the hole in her heart and to strengthen her relationship with God…

We never completely understand why God sends us pain and suffering. This is true on a personal level as well as on a national level. We have been in exile for about 2,000 years, and we have experienced suffering as a people and as individuals. Nevertheless, we are God’s beloved people and we must not forget that our pain comes to us from our God for our good. We must learn to see our disappointments as opportunities to grow spiritually, to become deeper people, to draw closer to God.

How we fill the vacuum created by our lacks, by our distress, by our pain, is completely in our hands. May we, like Rachel, use our misfortunes wisely, and merit, as she did, to come close to God. And may Rachel’s tears cease to flow, when her “children will return to their border” (Jeremiah 31:14-16).

“Jealousy” as Defined by Buddhism

The Buddhist abhidharma texts classify “jealousy” (phrag-dog) as a part of hostility. They define it as “a disturbing emotion that focuses on other peoples’ accomplishments – such as their good qualities, possessions, or success – and is the inability to bear their accomplishments, due to excessive attachment to our own gain or to the respect we receive.”

Envy, as a combination of jealousy and covetousness, leads to competitiveness. Thus, Trungpa Rinpoche discussed jealousy as the disturbing emotion that drives us to become highly competitive and to work fanatically to outdo others or ourselves. It is connected with forceful action – the so-called “karma family.” Because of being jealous and envious of what others have accomplished, we push ourselves or we push others under us to do more and more, like with extreme competition in business or sports. Thus, Buddhism uses the horse to represent jealousy. It races against other horses because of jealousy. It cannot bear that another horse is running faster.

Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person

And so envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone).

This seems straightforward, and so why the confusion?

One problem is an unfortunate sematic ambiguity with the word “jealousy” (but NOT with the word “envy”). If you ask people to describe a situation in which they felt jealous, they are as likely to describe an experience of envy (e.g., “I wished I had my friend’s good looks”) as of jealousy (e.g., “my girlfriend danced with an attractive guy”). Naturally, this creates a sense that jealousy and envy are very similar—even though they are actually quite different. Or the wish they have your skills and degrees and then they feel jealous if you get hired in the same team as that give them an inferiority complex and put them on the edge to compete with you in fear of you take over the supervisor or managerial job.

 Therefore, when someone says, “I’m feeling jealous,” you don’t know whether he or she is experiencing an envy situation or a jealousy situation—unless more context is provided (e.g., “I felt jealous when I saw my girlfriend dancing with the attractive guy”).

The second problem is that envy and jealousy often travel together. What kind of rival to your partner’s affections is likely to create jealousy? It is the rival with characteristics that you are also likely to envy—that is, the attractive rival.

This means that when you are feeling jealous, you are often feeling envious as well.

And yet envy and jealousy are not the same emotions. Envy, as unpleasant as it can be, usually doesn’t contain a sense of betrayal and resultant outrage, for example. Jealousy need not contain an acute sense of inferiority (if the rival is not enviable).

One thing for sure is that there is hardly a more intense, unpleasant emotional brew that the reaction caused by seeing your loved one show interest in an enviable rival. Or seen your workers who you supervise like another leader , another worker and take him / her as their row model and learn from and always look up to .The blend of jealousy and envy is a debilitating kick in the emotional complex.

Envy and jealousy ( hasad and ghera) described in detail in so many versus in the holly books , the Quran and the Torah ( old testament) and mentioned that God called the jealousy ( sharr) = evil deed or work of the devil. Bad work, bed attention, fruitless effort .

Jealousy is one of the fatal illnesses of ethics which cannot be cured. A jealous person grieves upon any goodness and positivity in other people’s lives, and even desires them to lose them all, begrudging them. If they do not lose them, jealous person’s grief increases. It is said that“ Jealousy is such an illness of soul that no doctor can find the cure for it. Yet only God can help it.”

A jealous person is never peaceful and at rest because he wants people to lose what God endowed upon them. It is not jealousy but protectiveness to want people to lose what is not useful for them but harmful. Wanting a religious functionary, who uses his knowledge in order to gain prosperity, high position and to commit sins, to lose his knowledge is a feeling of protectiveness. And it is not jealousy, either, to want those, who use their wealth for crime and sinful deeds, cruelty, to destroy goodness .

If he / she shows his / her jealousy with his / her words and actions, it is a greater evil deed to do.

As it is said “Thoughts in heart are in five degrees:

1- They do not stay in heart for long and they go away; they are called “hajis”.

2- They stay in heart for a short time and they are called “hatir.”

3- They cause hesitation whether to put them into practice or and they are called “hadithu’n-nafs.”

4- They are preferred to be put into practice and they are called “Hamm.”

5- They are strongly and determinedly preferred; they are called “azm” and “jazm”.

In the HOLLY BOOKS feeling of jealousy and possible outcomes of it are not underestimated. It is absolutely thought-provoking that the main reason of the first murder of humankind, which occurred between Adam’s two sons (1), and of Joseph’s being thrown into the well by his brothers (2) is the feeling of jealousy.

“arrogance” which caused THE DEVIL not to prostrate before Adam, “greediness” which caused Adam to eat the fruit of the forbidden tree and “jealousy” which caused Adam’s son Cain to fight and murder his brother and also caused Joseph’s brothers to throw him into a well

As three things that are the sources of all sins. Therefore, jealousy is a bad characteristic, which is condemned.

It is essential to try to get rid of them by continuing invocation, supplication and worshipping. It is a duty to be aware of its evilness, paying attention to God’s warnings and advice, and to try to get over this illness.

Prophet Jacob’s older sons planned a trap against their little brother Joseph all together and they put it into practice. Their aim was to destroy Joseph. However, The lord chose Joseph and blessed him with prophethood and sovereignty. He made his brothers submit to him and got them under his sovereignty. Because of their jealousy of Joseph, their trap worked against them. And this is an obvious evidence of Allah’s wisdom and might.

When the order to “seek refuge with the lord from the mischief of the envious one as he practices envy” (3), which was sent down in surah al-Falaq, is taken into consideration, it is better comprehended how serious the destruction the feeling of jealousy and envy can cause to society is. It is also important that the incidents in question, that is to say, incidents told in the Quran, were experienced between brothers. That is to say, if the feeling of jealousy can cause one to murder his brother, what else can it not cause other people to do?

Jealousy is the result of hatred and hatred is the result of anger.

Therefore, behaving in a way which would decrease anger will decrease hatred and eventually will decrease jealousy as well. Jealousy means not consenting to Divine Decision. For this reason, a jealous person, first of all, risks his faith. Jealousy is an illness that kills the one who envies before the one who is envied.

It is usually jealousy that causes fights between people and conflicts and arguments between colleagues. Indeed, jealousy, as a result of excessive egoism, is the thought of “they must not have got what I have not.”

Jealousy also sweeps away good deeds earned from worshipping one has practiced. As the holly book said :“Avoid being jealous. Know that jealousy wipe out good deeds, just like fire wipes woods out; it sweeps them away.” (4) Another hadith recorded by Ibn Majah says: “Jealousy eats up good deeds just like fire eats up woods. And charity (sadaqa) sweeps faults away just like water extinguishes fire.”5

A jealous person also backbites someone whom he is jealous of and thus commits a second sin. And sometimes he attacks possessions of the person he is jealous of or even the person himself. On the Day of Judgment, good deeds of the jealous person are going to be taken away from him and given to the person whom he was jealous of, in return for hardships he gave to him.

Jealous people have never reached their desires and they have never been respected by anyone. Jealousy causes despair and shortens lifespan.

How to Get Over the Illness of Jealousy

“It is impermissible to envy anyone, except for these two people: One is the wise person who makes judgments with the wisdom that God has given to him and who also teaches it to other people. The other is the wealthy person who spends his wealth, which God has given to him, on the way of the lord.” (10)

“The cure for envy: Let the envious reflect on the ultimate fate of those things that arouse his enmity. Then he will understand that the beauty, strength, rank, and wealth possessed by his rival are transient and temporary. Their benefit is slight, and the anxiety they cause is great. If it is a question of advantages enjoyed with respect to the Hereafter, they cannot be an object of envy. But if one does envy another on account of them, then he is either himself a hypocrite, wishing to destroy the goods of the Hereafter while yet in this world, or he imagines the one whom he envies to be a hypocrite, thus being unjust towards him.”

What are the disadvantages of jealousy?

Another way of getting over jealousy is to know what it is and to know its negative effects on our worldly and otherworldly lives.

Those who are not upset by their own losses but by other people’s gains set the most extreme example of commercial ignorance. They are little poor losers writhing in jealousy.

A man of wisdom says: “Jealousy is an ambition that makes one insane. It makes him roam from place to place, instead of keeping him at home.”

When people infected with this illness evaluate the boons such as faith, knowledge and wealth, they deal with it reversely. They desire wealth and high position first. Then they desire body health and lastly, knowledge and faith. However, can a small piece of faith be compared to an extra piece of knowledge? Can a little bit of superiority in knowledge be weighed together with body health? Can body health be compared to wealth?

It is the foolishness of thinking that the one of whom you are jealous and the worldly boons he has got are everlasting which cause the illness of jealousy. Rationally, everyone knows that it is impossible; however, once the feelings begin to rule, the poor mind can do nothing but just writhe in helplessness.

A century later, all jealous people and all people of whom they are jealous, and their positions and wealth as well, will be taken over by other people; they will stay with them for a while and then to be taken over by other people.

A man of heart likens this world to a beautiful lady who winks at everyone but never ever marries any of them.

Jealousy also means an objection to destiny. “Or do they envy mankind for what God hath given them of his bounty?” quran (an-Nisa, 4:54)

Fudayl bin Iyad’s statement “A believer desires; a hypocrite envies” is both a fine criterion and a great warning for us. One can desire to have a worldly or otherworldly boon others have got; this is not jealousy but longing. Jealousy is when one wants someone to lose what he has got. That is to say, the main aim of a man who is jealous of his rich neighbor is not to be like him, but to see his neighbor poor. And this is a vile and base thought befitting hypocrites only.

However, it is, of course, wrong to label jealous people as hypocrites right away, by misinterpreting this beautiful statement.

Definition of hypocrisy is clear: “Hypocrite is someone who pretends to believe but does not believe indeed.” Is it possible to call a believer, who is jealous, a hypocrite in this sense? So, it is necessary to understand it as “Never be jealous, because it is a vile attribution for hypocrites only.”

A person who loves himself and who knows what is good for him does not prefer to be jealous because jealousy causes one to destroy his own psychology due to not begrudging others’ happiness. It is like stabbing yourself when you are angry with someone else.

“Envy in the first place consumes and destroys the envier, and its bad for the one envied is either slight or nonexistent.” (The Letters)

Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.

Thank you for reading.

Steve Ramsey, PhD- Public Health. Canada